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One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.” A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack.So he says, “Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000.The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can. I figured the game would come to an end today. Vicky was bound to call me at the office. But I figured I'd got some payback for her giving me the fright she had on the Friday night.Sure enough, five past nine my phone rang."David, where the hell have you been?" Vicky demanded, "I've been trying to get into the house all weekend."This verbal attack upset me again. To be honest I was expecting a very contrite Victoria that morning."I wouldn't suggest you try to get into the house again, Vicky. You don't live there anymore, remember, and as the house is much too big for me alone I've rented it out." A lie of course but it had the desired effect. Vicky went loopy."Are you mad? You've can't have rented it out. Why the hell would you do that?" Now look, Vicky, we've got a very expensive court battle coming up, the rent on the house will help pay for it." You've gone bloody crazy." No, Vicky, you went bloody crazy when you started all of this! You accused me of cheating on you. You called.
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