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I shut the door behind me and looked through the pile of mostly junk for anything with my name on it. “Anything good?” my dad asked as I walked into the living room where he was watching some boring History Channel documentary.“Bill, junk, junk, magazine, and… what’s this?” I asked, plucking a letter out of the stack addressed to him from the local clinic.“Let me see,” he said, taking the pile from my hands. He stared at the letter but didn’t open it. “Probably just results from my physical last week.”“You had a physical last week?” “Yeah. I’m finally at the stage where they put a finger up my butt for-”“Ok, waaay too much information,” I laughed.“It wasn’t that bad, actually. He was very-”“Ok, byeee, love you,” I said, waving my hands as if to swat away any more details of his medical exam. He laughed and let me go. We have a pretty good relationship, if you couldn’t tell. Technically, he wasn’t my real dad, but he married my mom when I was just a baby and took care of me like I was. As for Charline's bachelorette party, I will plead the Fifth and refrain from incriminating myself, Charline, and the seven other lesbian and bisexual adult film actress friends of mine, all of whom were of a legal age to drink incomprehensible amounts of insanely expensive champagne in a remote beach house that featured a huge spa and an enormous bed that could handle nine nude and wet squirming bodies. How we got Charline sewn into her dress and the rest of us into the limo in time for the wedding I'll never figure out.They've been married for five years now and are still deliriously happy, but are still happy to see my face reappear at odd intervals. The three of us have even been known to get the sheets all wet and sticky together on occasion but it's getting trickier with a couple of young children in the house. Having to be 'quiet' and not make the bedposts knock too loudly tends to dampen a little of the fun but the alternative is getting the unexpected company of little.
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