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”She laughs out loud. Looks at the bartender but he’s not looking at her. Looks towards the door then back at me.“What kind of affair this that?”I turn to her.“It has its benefits,” I say.“What could be in it for you? Texts that say ‘thinking about you’?”I smile as I look down. Shake my head no.The sun comes out behind a cloud and some light spills in through the window over the door. The rest of the bar is pretty dark except for one window-sized square of sunlight now on the floor.“It’s something else. It’s like having a presence that only two people know about. That’s not a good way of saying it.”She looks at me.“I get it. You like the secret.” I cock my head slightly to think about that.“Maybe. But it’s more. The whole world knows who they think you are. Even with a boyfriend or a husband or a wife you still play a little bit of a role. If your thing is barking like a dog, it’s hard to bark like a dog then go balance the checkbook then pick up the kids at soccer practice. I think. It was Joy's turn to bob her head."Do you know the last time I had a drink?" she asked rhetorically. "Four weeks ago last night. It's been six weeks since I've done any sort of intoxicant. I haven't sneaked off campus in four weeks. I haven't even back-talked one of the instructors in a month. I'm trying, Mom. I know Stanford isn't a joke and I'll need to work."Collette sighed and nodded."But Dad needs to stay off my ass about this!" Joy continued. "Grandma told me the sort of stuff he got into when he was a kid. He has no room to talk - and neither do you!" Aren't you the one that's always telling me that the world is different than when I was your age?" Collette inquired. "Well, the same is true for you. Your dad graduated high school in 1987 - AIDS was just becoming something to worry about; meth was unheard of where he grew up; no one was lacing pot with formaldehyde. It was the same with me. I didn't have to worry about some asshole slipping something in my beer and raping me. I.
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