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I just couldn’t handle living any longer. It was February vacation and a winter storm was howling outside. The blizzard had been going for almost three days and power had quickly been lost. The house was dark, the only light coming from the eerie gray aura passing through the windows. My family had gone to a friend’s house to enjoy their electricity and running water, while I had chosen to stay home. I wanted to be alone for this. I sat at my desk in my room with a glass of water and a pile of pills next to me. They were sleeping pills, painkillers, and everything else I had. I was slowly writing a suicide note, trying to use my best penmanship. I included the instructions for my funeral and how I wanted to be buried. I finally put down the pen. My hands were almost always trembling, but now they were finally steady. ‘Goodbye pain,’ I said before I took a handful of pills and swallowed them, followed by the remainders. I then moved over to my bed and lied down, staring at the ceiling. I did some gambling at the Bellagio too, getting one of their player's cards so they could rate my play. I had spent six hours on Friday playing "21" at Caesar's. I'd been lucky at the beginning, winning at least two thirds of all the hands I was playing for the first four hours. My luck changed after that though, and I watched my big pile of chips shrinking for the next two hours. In the end, I lost a thousand dollars. The supervisor of the blackjack pits came over and introduced himself during my lucky streak, handing me his business card and telling me to let him know if I needed anything. At the time, I'd been betting either five hundred or a thousand dollars a hand. I'd been up over twelve thousand when he'd come over to introduce himself.On Saturday, playing at the Bellagio, I was never up enough to start playing bigger than one hundred dollars a hand. Later, back at Caesar's, I played some Pai Gow Poker and won eight hundred in about an hour.We went up to our room at about.
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