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At times it decides to go nowhere in particular and does just that. At other times it takes off at speed, only to find itself in a completely unexpected place some time down the track. Sometimes I spend hours just recalling past events and being surprised by what fragments of memory jump up at me. Other times I might compose a few simple lines of poetry or a song lyric, knowing that I’ll never write them down. That’s not the important part. It’s the process not the product that’s the key. Maybe the best times are those where I’m not even aware of what I’m thinking (am I thinking?) until something happens to snap me out of it. I might sit there until a bird lands suddenly on the water nearby or until the fading light of the day becomes obvious. A kind of awake asleep and a kind of just being. What does all this do for me? Well, I’m not sure I can say. In fact, I know that I don’t know. I do know it’s good (in the old fashioned sense of the word, not as a way of describing something. You know how unsightlyhairy legs are. You don't want to look so masculine do you?" Leannesaid passing me a pink razor as I walked back to the bathroom.I can't explain why standing there in my panties I felt compelled toshave my legs upon being told to do so save that the way Leanne told meto shave my legs sounded like my mother telling me to tidy my room.That and the subtle way she was denigrating masculinity as shecontinued:"There that looks better, doesn't it?" Leanne asked, stroking my silkysmooth legs. "You must feel better, more feminine, more like a womannow, Michelle?"I nodded, assenting to the concept that femininity was somehow betterthan masculinity.Leanne wasn't stopping there though and I had to shave my chest and armsbefore I had false breasts glued to my hairless chest. I had to have myeyebrows plucked and false lashes stuck on my eyelids and false nailsstuck on my fingers. Then I had a long blonde wig firmly stuck to myhead all the while I sat there in my bra,.
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