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“But the fur is new, comparatively speaking. Contemporaneous. I have no idea what it is, but I’m no fur expert. I can tell you with certainty, though, that there’s no possible way this could have anything to do with my field, which is prehistoric man.”“Even so,” I persist. “Can you have the test run?”He shakes his head and gives me a patronizing smile. “Mrs. Calvalli, DNA testing costs money. Our department—”“How much?” I interrupt him.“Well ... That’s rather beside the point, isn’t it?”“I’ll pay for the test,” I say. I pull my checkbook out of my purse. “Tell me how much, and I’ll write you a check right now. If you like you can even wait for it to clear before you order the test.”He gives me a very strange look indeed. “Why would you want to do that?” he asks. “I’m speaking from some experience here, and I’m telling you with absolute certainty that this is not fossil fur. Even if it had been encased in ice from the moment the animal died—”“Please, Dr. Graham,” I cut him off again.. The characters are supposed to be a couple of scarecrows, but it is a bit strange and I cannot think what was running through my head when I wrote it. Probably I'd lent the brain cell to someone, or perhaps I sneezed it out. I offer it only as an example of how not to do dialect because it is bloody difficult to read. Oh yes, and I used Lord Lucan as a nom dee ploom because I can see the old family seat from my window. Or I could if the snow would let up. I don't expect a TPA greater than 1.1.1., but you can please yourselves, and I'm sure you will"Interstishul' yer say?"There I is, sat in a corner of the local's bar in the 'Jovial Tar'. What a bloody daft name that be. 'Twere the Jolly Sailor afore all they buggers from up London moved inter t'village an' landlord thort 'twere too commin fer the likes o' they, so 'ee got the brewry ter change it. Anyways, I'm wi my mate George an' ee's just used this big werd."S'right," says George, blowin the froth off 'is beer. I ain't never too.
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