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Now, that she’s gone and now that I’ve had the time to think, I’d tell her that I’m sorry for all the times I lied to her. I couldn’t lie to her anyway. She saw right through me. I’d tell her I’m sorry for all the times I hurt her. I hurt thinking about all those times I made her cry. I’d tell her I’m sorry for all the times I cheated on her. Looking to eat out whenever the opportunity presented itself, I was such a fool not to realize that I was out looking to eat fast food when I had a full course meal, a banquet, and a feast at home. I’d tell her I’m sorry for thinking that I was better than her. She allowed me to think that I was and I should have known better, as I do know now. I’d tell her I’m sorry for wasting her life with the sad excuse of mine. She lived her life how I should have lived mine with love, forgiveness, and compassion. I’d tell her I’m sorry that I was so weak that I needed the empty and bitter fool’s strength found in alcohol. She found her strength from. I will say only that I had 20 years of complete happiness with this fine and gentle man. I have suffered from episodes of depression for many years, only recently when it became obvious was it diagnosed. Ted’s death tore me apart, I just spiraled down and down. Then somehow I started to write it all down. It became almost like therapy, my own words let me analyze myself. Say what you will about this, Ted encourages me, he is right here, all the time. I feel that. The old saying is, ‘Physician heal thyself!’ This is harder than it sounds, like all of us, we deny the signs. So I go on, hoping it helps me, and if it helps someone else to have the courage to try, that is wonderful. I recently met a man in Reno, quite a guy. Wealthy, position of importance, and he knows how to treat a lady, which I tried very hard to be. I will concede that many times if someone saw me, they would think I was not really a lady. Ted, my man, rests now in my living room. Sometimes he invades my head, but.
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