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Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM. Robert did up his jeans while Vanetta looked for her panties and shorts. By the time that Robert managed to crawl over the benches to the driver's seat, he was shocked to see a police cruiser parked beside him with its lights flashing and one officer standing at the door while another circled the van. Robert quickly rolled down the window, realizing that the van reeked of sex. He blushed as he asked the officer if there was a problem.The officer recognized the scent coming from the van and smiled slightly but just said, "No sir, we were just wondering why a rental vehicle was parked off the road with all its windows done up tight, and when we saw nobody in the driver's seat, we thought we'd better check it out."By this time, Vanetta had made it to the passenger seat and still trying to straighten out her clothes. The officer smiled at Robert and said. "It's a hot day in July to have all the windows closed, and if not for the fact that we could see your head through the front window,.
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