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Peggy and Joe sat in the back row of the van and as I drove I could see them kissing. pretty soon I noticed them kissing with peg's top off. Joe never skipped a beat. Next thing I saw was Joe's naked ass sticking up a bit above the middle seat. Then I could hear her saying oh yes and Joe was giving it to her like a rabbit. she was moaning and so was he. I had to go to the party store and mentioned to them that I was stopping. it didn't stop them. Next thing I know I am paying for the drinks and the clerk says damn those 2 are in that van and I think they are having intercourse. I looked out the front window and sure as hell I could see them both and Joe was sucking her tits as he fucked her. I told the guy yes they were and I better get the two of them home before someone else sees him fucking my wife. he dropped his jaw and I realized as I walked out I never paid. I pulled away and they never stopped. I got home a few minutes later and pulled into the garage and lowered the door. I. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in.
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