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Now in bed with him, she sought in his arms either confirmation that he was still the one she desired more or to atone for the ‘infidelity’ she had committed. Whether it was one or the other — as on other occasions with another woman in his life — Stefan could only guess.After a night’s unrelenting stormy fucking, Irmgard left him reluctantly at daybreak.Stefan was to leave Saarbruecken on Friday. Monday, Irmgard came, as always, after work for a meal and their usual love-making, this time more subdued. Both of them avoided talking about their imminent parting or what had been left unasked and unsaid the previous night. On Thursday, they were going to say goodbye.Wednesday night, Stefan bought some yellow roses and went to the café to say thank you and goodbye to Liesl. She was sweet, telling him how sorry she was to see him go. Then, quite serious, she said how good it had been for Irmgard to meet somebody like him so shortly after being widowed. Stefan was comforted by Liesl being. ..What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the.
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