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?Leave them off. From now on.? came the admonishment,in the same tone Sylvia used on her earlier. Jodi didn?t know what to do, butcontinued pulling her panties up. The woman grabbed them by the back and yankeddown hard, ripping them out of her hands, tearing the waistband as she did. Thepanties, now ruined, wouldn?t have stayed up now anyway. The rest of the ladiesat the table looked on in innocent amusement, smiling secretly at each other asthis little contest of wills played out. ?Give them to me.? The woman glared at her as Jodi wasforced to make her choice. She could either run away screaming out the door,attack this woman? or simply surrender her panties and face a whole evening ofbare-assed cocktail service in front of all the other women. The idea that thishumiliation might be just part of the show was not lost on her; she lookedaround the room and was suddenly aware that the entire assembled party had gonenearly silent, expectantly waiting to see what would happen next over. ... it'sall fear, y'know? I mean this life, I do this. I wake up every day. I getthrough it, but it's not- it's not right. Not who I am. And so I wouldnever call you a freak. Because I know how it.... how it feels-"Then the light came on. Oh. My. God."You're saying you know how I feel? Why I'm transitioning?"Nodding emphatically. Lower lip between his teeth.In theory I knew better than to assume you could tell a person's genderidentity just by looking at them. But in practice I did. Everybody does.But I see now that his calling me Honey, it hadn't been smugcondescension, but a clumsy, veiled affirmation of sisterhood. "I didn'tknow..." Of course you didn't KNOW! Nobody sees it. What do they see? Some damnslob. But that's just, I just do that. My whole life is that..." Hiding the truth. Believe me, I've done it too."Another big nod, "Because back when.... growing up. What I saw was, Ifigured like there were two ways to pretend it. I could either be tough,or I could be a slob. Well I.
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