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I foundmyself praying he was not a total psychopath and that there wouldindeed be a tomorrow. And then it stopped. And he was rubbing some kindof cooling and soothing balm onto my poor ravaged backside and then hewas spreading my cheeks again and gently kneading them and then histongue was once again at my love bud and slipping into me oh so easilyand welcome and as he reamed me with his tongue the sheer pleasuresurpassed even the horrific pain and as he licked and sucked and probedand swirled I totally abandoned all sense of self and surrenderedtotally and wave after wave of pure sheer fucking bliss flooded throughmy poor aching body and every atom in my being melted and ebbed andflowed and exploded into wholeness and at-one-ment and I drowned in anorgasm that went on and on and on and left me jerking and twitchingagainst my constraints. After what seemed like forever I quieted againand my orgasms ceased and his tongue ceased it's magic and he stoodback.He then leant over me and. The world, she said, had enough of us greedy westerners sucking the life out of it. The will to die that was spreading so quickly in Britain and countries like it was down to Gaia doing some housekeeping, ridding herself of a few parasites. The audience booed, and the evangelist and psychologist the host brought later on demolished the argument to everyone's satisfaction, but I was left with an uncomfortable feeling the woman had been right. I've written in these pages about not wanting to go on living, but until that point suicide had never seemed like a real option.I took down the phone number at the end of the show and called them. I got through on the fifteenth attempt, but when I heard the woman's voice answering I had no idea of what I was going to say. I put the receiver down without saying a word.Anyway, it's silly thinking about killing myself while I'm in this body. It's not my property, and if I "killed" it anyway my mind would just trip back to its frozen.
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