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" The old woman led John to a picnic table that sat on the edge of the parking lot. It was shaded by live oaks. The area was cool and pleasant."Why do you want to be a woman permanently, John?" she asked him."Why? What do you care? I want to be a woman. Isn't that what this was all about, changing me for whatever your own perverse reasons are?" No, not at all. Tell me, do you enjoy sex as a woman a lot more than as a man?" No, it's different. As Glenda, it was good and as John it's good. There are so many differences that saying one is better or worse doesn't really fit. No, it's not sex." Then do you enjoy being a beautiful woman for the way you were treated. Glenda was a very attractive woman; she must have received compliments and special treatment." Well, yes that's true but that's not enough of a reason to be Glenda, no that's not it either." Then it must be the love between Glenda and Paul. They're meant to be together, don't you agree?" Yes, they are meant to be together but. What had she done to deserve such abundance? What had that family done?All they did was sponge off the state and get in trouble. How was itthat God had chosen to give them the one thing that was most importantto me?And that's why I started to slowly and steadily obsess over that awfullady until I almost managed to kid myself that she was taunting me.Every time she went out to sit in the garden with her beer-guzzlinghusband I imagined she was doing it to show off her baby bump. She knewI was watching, even behind the blinds and she knew about our...problem. We might have been laughing at them but I imagined themlaughing back at us. We had the money and the house but they had thatmost precious gift of life.I started to think about her on the way to work, stuck in traffic, oron the way home; lying in bed while Ken pretended he'd already fallenasleep. I found myself getting suddenly angry when I was alone,demanding out loud what she had done to deserve such luck; what I haddone to deserve.
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