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A waste. A total waste.Later, much later, she was still alone. Alone and lonely. Miserable. Unloved. Unlovable. In her mid-forties still a virgin, and not by choice. No man would have her, it seemed. For that matter, she could hardly bear her own company. "I love you ... ha, ha, HA!"Then, in the depths of despair and self-hatred, the realization struck her. Someone once had professed love for her ... even if it had been a malicious lie. Arlene, in the guise of Val, had spoken words of love. That was enough. There had to be a certain compelling logic in I love you that transcended the boundaries of intention. It was a magic powerful enough to break down barriers and open floodgates.Let's assume that part of the problem is my perception of myself. I am nothing without the approval of others. Nothing.What's the mirror image of that? I am myself, and sufficient unto myself. I need no one and nothing.Go a step further. Arlene (that little shit!) gave me the key. She was only the first of. When she entered the chat rooms under her new name, she was unnoticed by those who usually greeted her. A few people welcomed her and one even asked if she'd been there before. "Not really," Elaine replied. She ignored one idiot who sent her a private message asking her if she was curious about his ten-inch dick. He probably has a cock the size of a thimble, she thought, remembering MasterServant's words.Until then, she hadn't given much thought to 'honesty on the net'. For some reason she felt oddly proud of herself. kurious was her. It was kind of liberating, not having to maintain a persona. And much easier to remember what she had said to whom. People seemed much nicer to kurious.Elaine thought she'd had a nice time, just talking to people and ignoring the rude ones. She figured it cut both ways and she blocked people who were out of line. It was a sedate visit, but also satisfying. She felt better about the person she was projecting on the net, and therefore felt better about.
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