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She also recalled finding that sage. So now, pronouncing herself nerveless, she could draw only one conclusion. And in the drawing felt uncertainty reassert itself. ‘Calm, calm,’ the same inner-voice warned as her eyes closed to conjure up the picture. Her picture. A glade. Backdropped by shimmering sea. Autumnal. Tranquil. Yellow leaves diffusing bright sunlight as a soothing breeze stirred the branches overhead into a natural musicality. A favourite place in a favoured season. Yet to be found wanting in times of mental turmoil. Sang-froid returning she allowed her eyes to flicker open and wander the thick, white-painted, walls of the cellar; confidence in it’s sanctity total. And calming. Down here it was quiet. Preternaturally so. Not even the thunder of lorries, hurtling clockwise or anti around the motorway locals and equestrian-set alike had fought against so doggedly, penetrated. This time, she bolstered herself, mood brightening, she did feel confident. This time it could. Wrecked Mom.It wasn't overnight. Took years. She kept getting worse and worse, tried catching a replacement for the man missing in her life. Even a single mom with a little kid (to start) can have a parade of guys through her life. I watched her really get serious more than once, and when things turned out wrong, she ended up a basket case.Mom would end up in a hospital. I'd end up at the grandparents until Grandma died. Grandpa wasn't equipped to handle a little girlchild. I started ending up at Dad's.First few times, I think he really tried incorporating me into his life alongside whichever wife or girlfriend he was with, but it became readily apparent that the women in Dad's life weren't the types to want to be raising somebody else's daughter. I found that if school was out, it was easy for Dad to write a check and send me off to one camp or another.Somewhere in one of the cycles where I was with Mom, I started playing violin in the school orchestra. Mom endured some sounds from.
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