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. I could not think of anything. My mind was going numb; I felt my whole world crashing around me. I just sat there, thoughtless. I was not angry, not hurt and not thinking. There might be an explanation for his, was the first thought that came to my mind but then I dismissed it. I have not handled any thongs ever that did not mean sex.As I drove home, I knew that all plans for my proposals had to be kept on hold. I could not walk into a marriage with doubts in my mind. Doubt is a horrible thing, it basically destroy relationships even when it is unfounded. As I drove into the garage I could feel a surge of emotions. I was hurting. I was hurting bad. I needed this to be resolved fast.As I entered the apartment I heard her speak over the phone, "I cannot meet you tonight. I have just found out that Leroy has plans for us this evening that are more important than me meeting you." After a brief silence I heard her speak "Of course I love you more than I love Leroy, but let us admit, you. ’ ‘And your pills? Tell me you’re taking them on schedule.’ ‘Mom, is that you?’ I chuckled. ‘Not even close. Our mother didn’t even think depression was an actual thing.’ There was a brief pause as I reluctantly let go of the last vestiges of sleep. ‘Send me the address again, will you? I’ll go and see what those guys are about.’ ‘You got it… and Jason, take care of yourself. Lucy wasn’t the only one who loved you.’ ‘I’ll try.’ The call dropped. I checked the clock to make sure I had a few minutes to work up the courage to get out of bed. * * Getting out of bed isn’t as hard as it used to be. The mundane routine of starting my day began. For a few minutes, I pictured cleaning out my bank account and running off to Fiji. It did have a certain allure to it, sitting on a pristine white beach watching waves crash into the breakers with a chilled Mai Thai in hand. No, not Fiji. That’s where I promised we’d go on our next anniversary. I was on my fifth possible runaway.
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